A prayer of many

I have always hated You. It was never the wicked whom I hated, the one inflicting pain, shredding minds and bodies to pieces, the one I really hated was You. It was not the oppressor, giver of separation, the illness, the darkness or hate, it was always You to whom I turned to send bullets, arrows and knives of hate. I wanted You to stop.  I wanted You to leave me alone. For I always knew it was You. You hid within me at birth.  And I knew. And I hated you for everything I lived.  Every cut, bruise, loss, assault, for every illness and loneliness, incomprehension and difference...  I hated You. For You are all there is. Lord, You are all there is and I always knew You wanted me to taste every bit of darkness, bring it to the light.  Confront demons, blood of my own blood, sons and daughters of my womb.  I hated You while praying You. I hated You while I praising Your name. I hated You to the extreme of my perception while being the furthest fromYou. And the...

Lord, I am naked. You took all my clothes off and burned them. Grant me the heart of David. Lord, I am hungry. You took all my food away as it was rotten. Grant me the heart of David Lord. For I did not move. I kneel and thank You and pray You and sing Your Name from the top of my lungs. Grant me the heart of David oh Lord  Clothe me with your Mercy and feed me with your Wisdom and I shall live forever in Your Palace. I kneel and lower my head so my eyes won't see the wicked whispers of forbidden desires. Grant me the heart of David so my eyes and heart and mind will only see You, my Lord, my Savior, my King.

Lord, I hurt. I hurt in my bones and blood, I hurt in my head and muscled and I sing Your name. I praise Your essence. Lord, my soul is singing. Loud and clear is my Lord's love and support as I walk home amongst thorns and fires. You hold me. You show me how strong I am when I rely on You against the thin will I was born with. I walk with You despite the assault. You walk with me to help me see, feel, and discover You. Truth, wisdom, the first soul. Together. It does not matter how much my body fights, rebels in pain, my soul is fully at rest in You, Lord of my Life.

 God, you created in me the biggest desire, the most intense craving, an empty lake yearning for its water.  And I searched. And searched. And found only darkness. I travelled the planes and the rivers, learned to speak languages and cultures, filled myself with notions and expertise in things of this world, and all the same my bucket was empty. Empty and hungry! Yet I knew. I know You. I knew You were here, now and always, I felt your touch, was soothed by your arms, held by your strength. And let to search some more.  In darkness. In a place where reason and faith cannot merge. In a place where faith alone shines through the clouds.  Still, I could not reach You, for it was You who had to come to me. It was You who had to light that little flame to help me find the way. Your way. The Real way.  Alone, I would simply stumble, fall, bleed. Alone, I was lost among millions. I could not reach you because I was not letting You love me, I could not reach You because...

I want to lie on a green field covered in wildflowers as I feel like one of them. I want to lie down, close my eyes and stretch out my arms and touch another hand, on both sides, hands I will hold tight and hands that will hold tight onto mine. And I want to know that those hands I hold are holding other hands themselves. For so it is that we go home, fulfill creation: holding each other through mountains and lakes, under the sun and under the pouring rain. For in each hand we truly hold the Creator Himself and none others, for there's none else besides Him.  But when I lie on a green field covered in wildflowers I only see emptiness for as far as my eyes can see. You fill all there is but no one knows. Others only see empty fields and can't feel You in all that is and don't believe in being held and in holding because too busy with turning the soil to pour cement as high as they can to show their importance.  I was there. I am there, still. Sometimes. Poking my head out of...

 I am serving You. Lord of clear rivers, rough mountains and calm seas, Light of the day and light of the night, I am serving You and no one else. I am serving You God, the one and only as it was your thought which made all other thoughts of gods and idols, of light and shadows, of good and bad. I serve You. Help me to achieve this intent. I serve You.  For this world's time has accelerated and evil inclinations have doubled with every faster minute, with every breath I take there is a part of venom, so please, God, help me retain that venom in my lungs, help me not exhale it back into the world, for all I want is to breathe You and You only, breath You in and breathe You out.  I don't care about beauty unless it pleases Your eyes. I don't care about wealth unless it gives You richness. I don't care about love unless it is Your real love.  Make this all real for me and my friends but only if in Your name. For I get lost in green fields as I see Your hand in it. And I...